Understanding Anxiety in Kids: What It Is, How It Feels, and When to Seek Help
Anxiety has become a more commonly discussed topic, but many parents are still left wondering: What exactly is anxiety, and how does it show up in children? In this post, we’ll explore what anxiety really is, what it feels like, what can trigger it, and how it might present in kids—plus how to know when it’s time to reach out for support.
What Is Anxiety?
Anxiety is our body’s natural response to a perceived threat. When our nervous system senses danger—or even just a challenge—it activates the sympathetic nervous system, preparing us for “fight,” “flight,” or “freeze.” In this state, our system is mobilized, alert, and ready to take action.
Unlike the shutdown or collapse response (also known as dorsal vagal activation), where the system believes nothing can be done and begins to numb out, a sympathetic (anxious) response is about gearing up to do something—often without knowing what or how.
For kids with anxiety, this mobilized response becomes patterned: their nervous system is frequently scanning for danger and interpreting neutral or everyday experiences as potentially threatening—even if they’re not consciously aware of it.
Where Does Anxiety Come From?
Parents often ask: Why is my child anxious? Did I do something wrong?
The truth is: anxiety is a normal part of the human experience. It can be:
Genetic (passed down as a survival advantage)
Learned through family or social modeling
Shaped by experience, especially if anxiety once served a protective role
If your child is experiencing anxiety, it doesn’t mean you’ve failed as a parent. In fact, helping your child understand and navigate their anxiety can be one of the greatest gifts you offer them.
Anxiety and Perception
Our nervous system reacts not to what is happening—but to what it perceives is happening.
These perceptions are influenced by:
Past experiences
Trauma history
Family dynamics
Sensory sensitivities
Environmental stressors (e.g., news, school, social changes)
What feels safe to one child might feel overwhelming or unsafe to another. That’s why two kids can respond completely differently to the same situation.
Common Triggers of Anxiety in Kids
Every child is different, but many anxiety triggers share similar roots:
Fear of the unknown (especially if unknowns have felt unsafe in the past)
Perfectionism or unrealistic expectations—from self or others
Loss of control (internally or externally)
Difficulty trusting themselves or others
Overwhelming sensations or emotions outside their window of tolerance
Feeling disconnected or inauthentic (either with themselves or others)
What Does Anxiety Feel Like?
An anxious nervous system gets the body ready to act—but if that energy has nowhere to go, it can feel intensely uncomfortable. Kids may describe or show signs like:
Racing heart
Short or shallow breathing
Chest tightness
Nausea or stomachaches
Jitteriness, restlessness, or fidgeting
Racing or looping “what if” thoughts
Tingling or shaky limbs
Sweating or feeling hot
Dizziness or light-headedness
Muscle tension or clenched jaw
How Does Anxiety Show Up in Kids?
Children often can’t say, “I feel anxious”—but their behavior can communicate what words cannot.
Here’s how anxiety might present in kids:
Avoidance (of school, tasks, social situations, or emotions)
Irritability or aggression (especially when overwhelmed)
Controlling behavior or demands (often to regain a sense of safety)
Sleep or eating disruptions
Frequent stomachaches or headaches (when no medical cause is found)
Difficulty focusing or staying present
Frequent reassurance-seeking or “what if” questioning
Perfectionism and decision paralysis
Remember: these behaviors are not intentional misbehavior—they're signs that your child’s nervous system is on high alert.
When Should I Reach Out for Help?
You know your child best. Many parents say they “just have a gut feeling something is off,” even if they can’t name exactly what; that instinct matters.
It may be time to reach out for support if:
Your child’s anxiety is interfering with home life, school, or social interactions
You feel unsure how to help them through their big feelings
Avoidance, fear, or somatic symptoms (like stomachaches) are increasing
Your child is withdrawing or showing a noticeable change in personality
The early stages of play therapy are often about identifying what’s beneath the behaviors, and gaining clarity and understanding about what your child is experiencing.
Ready to Support Your Child Through Anxiety?
You don’t have to navigate this alone. If you’re curious about how play therapy can support your child’s anxiety, I offer a free 15-minute introductory phone call to explore if it’s the right fit.
📞 Click the button below to schedule your call—I’d love to connect with you and your child!