Affirming Play Therapy for Neurodivergent Children: Supporting Authenticity Over Assimilation

Once upon a time, the goal of many therapies and early interventions for neurodivergent children—especially autistic children, but also children with ADHD and other forms of neurodivergence—was simple: help them fit in to a neurotypical world.

Here’s the thing:

We now know that forcing neurodivergent kids to “blend in” often leads to chronic dysregulation, masking, and, in many cases, autistic burnout.

Autistic burnout is a state of intense physical, emotional, and cognitive exhaustion that can occur when autistic individuals are required to mask their true selves for extended periods of time. It can result in a loss of skills, increased sensory sensitivity, and a profound sense of depletion.

So we have to ask:
Why are neurotypical traits still considered the default?

In my play therapy work—regardless of whether a child is neurodivergent or not—my focus is always on creating a space where children can show up as their authentic selves and safely explore emotional intensity and challenges so they can learn to regulate through them.

Masking teaches kids that their feelings and needs must be hidden in order to be accepted.
Play therapy, done right, sends the opposite message:
You’re not too much. You don’t have to be anyone else. You are allowed to be you.

Let’s take a look at how my approach centers neurodivergent affirming care in play therapy.

1. Treatment Goals Never Focus on Appearing More Neurotypical

You won’t find goals in my treatment plans that involve "making more eye contact" or "limiting special interests." Those aren’t signs of progress—they’re signs of assimilation.

Instead, treatment goals are individualized and built around each child’s unique challenges, needs, and strengths. With neurodivergent kids, this often looks like:

• Building awareness of emotions and body cues

• Learning to recognize and communicate needs

• Identifying tools and supports for regulation

The goal is not for kids to “act” more regulated—but to actually feel more regulated, and to know it’s safe to ask for support when they need it.

2. Sensory Needs Are Taken Seriously—and Supported

Everyone has sensory preferences, but for neurodivergent kids, sensory processing plays a central role in how they interact with the world.

In play therapy sessions, we pay close attention to each child’s sensory needs:

• Do they need movement to focus or feel safe?

• Are they overstimulated by lights, sounds, or smells?

• Would dim lighting, noise-canceling headphones, or sensory tools be helpful?

Sessions become a space to explore and honor these sensory profiles—and help kids understand how to meet their needs outside of therapy, too.

3. Stimming Is Recognized as a Regulation Strategy

Stimming—whether it’s hand-flapping, rocking, spinning, or repeating words—is often the body’s way of self-regulating.

Instead of suppressing or pathologizing stims, I ask:
What is this child’s nervous system trying to do here? How is this helping them regulate?

If a stim becomes unsafe or harmful, we work together to find replacement strategies that still meet the sensory or emotional need—without shutting down the child’s natural coping tools.

4. Sessions Are Child-Led and Center Special Interests

Neurodivergent children spend a lot of time in environments where they’re told how to behave or what’s appropriate. In my office, they get something radically different:
Choice. Autonomy. Permission to be themselves.

That means:

• They can move, pace, or multitask as we talk or play

• They can pause or say no to activities

• They can dive into their special interests (and I’ll meet them there)

When we follow the child’s lead, we’re not just letting them "have fun"—we’re building trust, self-awareness, and regulation in a developmentally appropriate way.

5. I Collaborate and Advocate Beyond the Therapy Room

Many neurodivergent children work with multiple professionals and need extra support at school or in other environments. I prioritize collaborating with caregivers, schools, and other providers to ensure that:

• Everyone is on the same page

• We’re building consistent supports across systems

• The child’s voice and needs are centered in decision-making

Sometimes, this also includes advocating for accommodations or services the child needs to thrive—because therapy can’t exist in a vacuum.

🌟 The Goal: Authenticity, Not Assimilation

At the heart of this work is one key belief:

Neurodivergent children don’t need to be changed—they need to be understood.

When we create space for kids to show up fully as themselves, we lay the foundation for real emotional growth. Play therapy becomes a place where:

• Kids feel safe and seen

• They learn how their unique brain works

• They build trust in themselves and the adults around them

📞 Ready to Support Your Child Authentically?

If you’re looking for a space where your child’s neurodivergence is affirmed, not “treated” away, I’d love to connect.

Click the Contact button below to schedule a free 15-minute introduction call. Let’s explore how play therapy can help your child feel safe, empowered, and fully themselves.