What Is Attunement and How Do You Practice It With Children?

“Attunement” has become a buzzword in conversations around parenting, education, and especially co-regulation. But what does it really mean—and how do we actually practice it with the children in our lives?

Whether you’re a parent, caregiver, teacher, or therapist, learning to attune to a child’s inner world can transform your relationship with them. It deepens trust, builds connection, and creates emotional safety. Let’s explore what attunement is, how it works, and how to begin using it in real-life moments with kids.

What Is Attunement?

Attunement is the ability to tune into the felt sense of what a child is communicating—emotionally, physically, and energetically. It’s like learning a new language, one made up of facial expressions, body language, tone, nervous system cues, and unspoken needs.

Lisa Dion, the creator of Synergetic Play Therapy®, often uses this beautiful example:

Think about how a caregiver responds to a newborn. Over time, they learn the meaning behind different cries and cues and respond authentically—rocking, soothing, singing, feeding.

They may not always be calm, but they’re present. Attunement isn’t about staying perfectly calm. It’s about staying authentic.

The First Step to Attuning? Start With Yourself

Before we can attune to a child, we must be attuned to ourselves. That means noticing how we feel in any given moment and being willing to regulate our own internal experience.

Children are incredibly sensitive to adult nervous systems. Often, their behavior reflects something we’re feeling, too—like frustration, fear, or helplessness. So the first step is pausing to check in with your own body and emotions.

Try asking yourself:

• What’s happening in my body right now? (e.g., tight chest, shallow breath, racing heart)

• What emotions are surfacing?

• What feels hard about this moment?

From there, you can name your experience—either out loud or internally.

Examples:

• “My heart is beating really fast. I’m feeling frustrated because things feel out of control.”

• “I feel heavy and sad. This feels hard right now.”

This is co-regulation in action. You’re showing children how to feel their feelings without being consumed by them.

Attunement Isn’t Always Verbal

Some children respond well to verbal attunement—when you reflect what you’re seeing or wondering about their inner world:

“I wonder if things feel out of control right now.”
“This might feel like too much. I see how hard you're trying.”

Other times, words aren’t needed. Children feel your presence and regulation through your body language, breath, tone, and stillness. Even when you don't say a word, your nervous system is saying:
"I'm here. I'm staying with you. You're safe."

Attunement in Practice: What Might a Child Need?

Once you’ve attuned to your own feelings and regulated your nervous system, you’re in a better place to ask: What might this child need right now?

Attunement allows us to get curious instead of reactive. Common needs might include:

• A snack, rest, or sensory input

• A quiet space or calm presence to sit with them

• Help identifying and releasing energy (e.g., movement, jumping, art)

• Verbal reassurance and physical connection (e.g., “You’re not alone in this,” a hug if welcome)

• Space to express their feelings without being rushed to “fix it”

With time, you’ll start to recognize patterns and preferences unique to each child. Just like caregivers learn a newborn’s different cries, you’ll learn what helps a specific child feel understood, safe, and supported.

What Attunement Tells Children

Attunement isn’t about being perfect—it’s about showing up, staying curious, and being willing to connect even in the hard moments. When we attune to a child, we’re sending powerful messages:

“I see you.”
“You’re not too much.”
“Your feelings are okay.”
“I’ll stay with you through this.”

That kind of presence builds resilience, trust, and emotional safety—foundations children carry with them for life.

Ready to Learn More About Attunement and Co-Regulation?

Play therapy supports both children and their caregivers in building these skills—slowly, gently, and authentically. If you're looking to understand your child on a deeper level and improve your connection, I’d love to talk.

📞 Click the button below to schedule a free 15-minute consultation and explore how play therapy can support your family.