How to Feel Your Feelings: A Therapist’s Guide to Emotional Awareness
What It Actually Means to “Feel Your Feelings” (And How to Start)
You’ve probably heard a therapist say, “You need to feel your feelings.” But what does that actually mean? And how do you do it in a way that supports emotional health — not overwhelm?
In this post, I’ll break down what “feeling your feelings” really looks like, why it can be difficult (especially for kids, those with trauma, or neurodivergent individuals), and how play therapy can help build the safety and awareness needed to connect with emotions in the body.
What Does It Mean to Feel Your Feelings?
To feel your feelings is to slow down and notice the physical sensations that accompany an emotion — the tight chest of anxiety, the tears of sadness, or the clenched fists of anger.
But for many, these body sensations can feel unsafe or overwhelming. This often leads to avoidance strategies (what I call “protective strategies”) like:
Common Protective Strategies That Block Emotional Processing
1. Disconnecting from the Body
When it doesn’t feel safe to feel, the body becomes muted. People often say they feel everything “in their head.” Therapy helps gently rebuild connection to the body so regulation becomes possible.
2. Jumping into Fixing or Processing
Trying to “figure out” the feeling without feeling it — overthinking, researching, intellectualizing — is another way of staying in your head instead of your body.
3. Using Humor or Toxic Positivity
Avoiding “negative” feelings by always looking on the bright side or using humor can invalidate authentic emotional experiences — especially for children who learn certain feelings are “too much.”
How to Actually Feel Your Feelings: 5 Steps
Here’s a gentle guide to help yourself (or your child) begin reconnecting with your emotional world.
1. Notice and Name a Body Sensation
Ex: “My chest feels tight.”
This starts the process of increasing interoception (your ability to feel and understand signals from your body).
2. Name the Emotion (If You Can)
Ex: “I am noticing that I feel anxious.”
If no label comes to mind, just stay with the sensation. Awareness alone is powerful.
3. Use Strategies That Help You Tolerate the Feeling
Regulation isn’t about changing your feelings — it’s about staying with them safely. Some examples:
Deep breathing (especially longer exhales)
Swaying or gentle movement
Sipping cold water
Using ice packs or other sensory tools
4. Allow the Feeling to Stay as Long as It Needs To
Avoiding or resisting a feeling often intensifies it. Instead, visualize emotions like waves — some big, some small, all moving through you in time.
5. Repeat and Offer Yourself Compassion
This work takes repetition. Be kind to yourself — your nervous system developed these protective patterns for a reason.
Why This Can Be Especially Challenging for Some Kids (and Adults)
If your child is neurodivergent, has a history of trauma, or struggles with emotional regulation, reconnecting with their body can be particularly hard.
That’s where Synergetic Play Therapy can help. In a safe, supportive environment, children (and their caregivers) can gently build awareness of their feelings and learn strategies that support long-term emotional health.