Why Bedtime Feels So Hard for Kids (and How to Make It Easier)

You’ve done the bath, brushed teeth, read the stories, given the hugs… and somehow, your child is still bouncing off the walls or melting down when it’s time to sleep.

You’re not alone. For many families, bedtime feels like a battle—and it can leave everyone exhausted before the night even begins.

But here’s the good news: bedtime struggles are normal for kids, and with the right support, it can become a calmer, more connected part of your day.

Let’s talk about why bedtime is so tricky for kids—and simple regulation strategies that can help your child’s body and brain settle for sleep.

Why Bedtime Is Hard for Kids

For a child’s nervous system, bedtime can feel like a big transition:

The body is tired, but the brain is wired. After a busy day full of stimulation, some kids struggle to slow down.

Separation feels scary. Even if they seem “fine” during the day, saying goodbye for the night can bring up worries or big feelings.

Distractions are gone. Just like many adults, children might rely on distractions to manage intense feelings or worrisome thoughts. With those gone at night, things can rise to the surface.

This isn’t defiance or manipulation—it’s their nervous system asking for help to downshift.

How to Support Your Child’s Body and Brain at Bedtime

Here are OT-informed strategies to make the transition to sleep easier for both of you:

1. Start Early: Shift the Energy

Begin winding down at least 45–60 minutes before bed:

• Dim the lights and turn off screens (bright blue light can delay sleepiness).

• Slow down your own movements and voice—kids’ nervous systems mirror ours!

• Offer “heavy work” play, which can include things like:

  • Wall push-ups.

  • Animal walks (crab walks, bear crawls).

  • Carrying a laundry basket full of toys or books.

  • Squeeze a stress ball or use TheraPutty.

  • Roll your child up tightly with a blanket into a “burrito.”

  • Use a weighted blanket.

🌟 Why it works: Heavy work gives calming proprioceptive input that helps organize and settle the body.

2. Calm the Body Via the Senses

Warmth relaxes muscles, and the pressure of water or massage helps kids feel “grounded” in their bodies.

• Chew something chewy/crunchy earlier in the night, such as a bagel or apple slices, to satisfy sensory input needs.

• Take a warm shower or bath. Offer a warm bath with Epsom salts and relaxing scents, such as lavender or chamomile, if your child can handle scents. Magnesium can support relaxation.

• Massage lotion into arms and legs and incorporate deep pressure squeezes if your child responds well to them.

• Brush hair slowly with a soft brush.

• Offer a warm drink, such as decaf tea or milk.

• Incorporate gentle rocking (such as using a rocking chair).

3. Calming Body Activities

Before getting into bed, help your child’s body slow down:

• Try yoga poses like child’s pose, forward folds, or “legs up the wall.”

• Play a breathing game: “Smell the flower, blow out the candle” (inhale slowly through the nose, exhale through the mouth).

• Play the “5-4-3-2-1” game: Notice 5 things you can see, 4 things you can hear, 3 things you can touch, 2 things you can smell, and 1 thing you can taste.

• Offer a cozy blanket “burrito wrap” for deep pressure if they enjoy it.

🌟 Why it works: Slow movement and deep breathing signal the brain to switch into “rest and digest” mode.

4. Create a Cozy Connection Ritual

Fill your child’s emotional cup before separation:

• Use a visual schedule ahead of bedtime that you follow each night. This helps create consistency and predictability.

• Read calming books (slow your voice and add pauses).

• Sing a lullaby or hum together.

• Allow time for hugs and snuggles.

• Use a consistent “goodnight phrase” like: “You’re safe. I’ll see you in the morning.” A consistent phrase each night can signal to the body and brain that it’s time to sleep.

Connection lowers cortisol and helps kids feel safe enough to let go into sleep.

5. Support In-Bed Regulation

Once your child is in bed:

• Offer a weighted blanket or compression sheet.

• Offer a “fidget” for bed (e.g., soft stuffed animal, textured square) or a transition object that helps with the separation that comes with bedtime.

• Play soft white noise or nature sounds to block out background noise.

• Encourage them to notice 5 things in the room (“5 quiet things keeping you safe”)

🌟 Why it works: Familiar sensory cues + repetition tell the brain “it’s safe to sleep.”

A Sample Bedtime Routine for Kids (With Time Stamps)

✅ 6:45 PM – Begin Winding Down

• Dim lights and turn off screens

• Play soft music or nature sounds

• Do “heavy work” play for proprioceptive input:

  • Wall pushes (“try to push the house down!”)

  • Bear walks or crab walks across the room (and potentially turn it into a race)

  • Wheelbarrow walks (parent holds child’s legs while they “walk” on hands)

  • Toss beanbags or rolled up socks into a laundry basket

✅ 7:00 PM – Warm Bath or Shower

• Warm water calms the nervous system (if your child struggles with baths or showers, you can offer a warm washcloth as well)

• Add Epsom salts (magnesium can help with relaxation) and a relaxing scent like lavender or chamomile (if your child tolerates scents well)

• Finish with a gentle lotion massage while drying off

✅ 7:20 PM – Calming Body Time

• Put on cozy pajamas

• Try a short yoga flow:

  • Child’s pose (“be a turtle in your shell”)

  • Legs-up-the-wall pose (“butterfly wings on the ceiling”)

• Play a breathing game: “Smell the flower, blow out the candle”

✅ 7:35 PM – Connection & Storytime

• Read 1–2 calming books with a slow, soothing voice (if your child particularly struggles with the separation of bedtime, read “The Invisible String” by Patrice Karst)

• Offer hugs and snuggles

• Repeat a consistent “goodnight phrase” like: “You’re safe. I’ll see you in the morning.”

✅ 7:50 PM – In-Bed Regulation

• Turn on white noise or soft nature sounds

• Turn on a nightlight if your child uses one

• Offer a weighted blanket, soft stuffed animal, or other comfort item to help with transition

• Say goodnight and leave calmly

✅ 8:00 PM – Lights Out

What If My Child Cries or Continues to Get Out of Bed?

It’s very normal for kids to struggle with staying in bed—especially if they’re working through separation anxiety, overtiredness, or a nervous system that has trouble downshifting. Here’s how to respond in a way that is both loving and consistent:

1. Pause and Regulate Yourself First

If your child cries or pops out of bed for the fifth time, take a slow breath before responding. Your calm nervous system is their anchor.

Ask yourself: “Are they needing connection? Or are they testing the boundary because they’re tired?”

2. Stay Calm, Kind, and Firm

Gently lead them back to bed each time with as little extra stimulation as possible. Use a neutral tone and a simple script like:

“It’s time for sleep. I’ll help you back to bed.”
“I know it’s hard. Your body is safe here. Let’s try again.”

✨ Why it helps: Predictability + calm tone lowers nervous system arousal without turning it into a power struggle.

3. Provide Comfort Without Creating a New Habit

If they’re upset, sit by the bed for a few minutes, rub their back, or offer a “check-in plan”:

“I’ll come check on you in 2 minutes after you’ve had quiet rest.”

This reassures them without needing to stay in the room indefinitely.

4. Set Clear Limits Around Leaving the Room

If they keep leaving their room:

• Gently guide them back every time without engaging in a big conversation.

• Keep responses low-energy and consistent so the behavior isn’t unintentionally reinforced.

Example script: “Your body is showing me it’s hard to stay in bed. Let’s get you tucked in again.”

5. If Crying Escalates

You can offer brief co-regulation (back rub, deep breaths together, or a firm “burrito” blanket wrap) and then remind them:

“I’ll check on you in a few minutes. You are safe. Your job is to rest.”

Remember: You’re not being “too soft” by offering connection, and you’re not being “too strict” by holding a boundary. You’re showing your child that bedtime is safe and predictable.

Over time, their nervous system will learn that staying in bed leads to comfort and rest—not conflict.

A Gentle Reminder for Parents

If bedtime feels hard right now, you’re not failing—and neither is your child. 💛

Sometimes, the first step is taking the pressure off yourself (and this will likely trickle down to your child as well). Sleep is a vulnerable state, and it’s challenging for many adults—so of course it’s going to be hard for kids. Many kids need extra time, connection, and sensory support to feel safe enough to let go into rest.

These are general guidelines, and you know your child best—take what is helpful, and leave the rest.

You don’t have to get it perfect. Showing up calmly and consistently is what matters most. Little by little, your child’s nervous system will learn that sleep is safe.

If you’re curious if something deeper is going on and causing your child to struggle with bedtime and sleeping throughout the night, click the button below to schedule a free 15-minute intro call to talk more about your child’s challenges and how play therapy could help.