Understanding Nervous System States: A Guide for Therapists, Parents, and Beyond
Our nervous system is constantly scanning the environment for safety and danger. Depending on what it senses, it shifts us into different nervous system states—helping us connect, mobilize, or shut down.
If you’re a therapist, caregiver, or parent, understanding these states and information from Polyvagal Theory can help you recognize what’s happening in yourself and children, and how to support a shift toward regulation.
Dorsal Vagal State (Shutdown/Collapse Response)
The dorsal vagal state is part of the parasympathetic nervous system, which generally slows things down.
This state activates when the nervous system senses a threat and believes there’s nothing we can do to change it—often when something is overwhelming or ongoing.
Dorsal Vagal Symptoms & Signs
Internal experiences may include:
Slowed heart rate and breathing
Apathy or hopelessness
Numbness or disconnection from feelings and body
Heaviness in the body
Outward signs may include:
Low motivation
Chronic fatigue
Brain fog
Depression or suicidal thoughts
Isolation
Dissociation
Limited emotional expression
How to Regulate the Dorsal Vagal State
When in shutdown, focus on increasing energy and reconnecting with the body and environment.
If your child isn’t ready for strategies, model them yourself. Regulation tools aren’t meant to remove feelings but to make them more tolerable. When we allow ourselves to feel our emotions, they will naturally pass with time—trying to resist, avoid, or change emotions can prolong them.
Examples of dorsal vagal regulation strategies:
Turn on the lights
Go outside
Elongate your inhale
Ground yourself by naming what you see, hear, feel, taste, and smell
Apply deep pressure squeezes to head and limbs
Shake limbs, sway, or rock
Stand and move during activities
Engage in preferred movement (walk, sports, dance)
Yoga or stretching
Bounce on a yoga ball
Creative activities
Listen to loud or energizing music
Drink something cold
Eat something sour or spicy
Hug/snuggle with a person, stuffed animal, or pet
Use a fidget or sensory tool
Name feelings and sensations (e.g., “I feel numb right now” or “my body feels heavy”)
Sympathetic State (Fight-or-Flight Response)
The sympathetic nervous system is our body’s mobilization system. When we sense danger and believe we can act, our body gets ready to fight or run. This state speeds up our system to help us respond.
Sympathetic Symptoms & Signs
Internal experiences may include:
Rapid heartbeat
Shortness of breath
Sweating
Tingling or shaking in limbs
Racing thoughts or mental fog
Panic attacks
Outward signs may include:
Aggression or arguing
Anxiety or visible panic
Restlessness or running away
Avoidance
Trouble focusing
Defiance
How to Regulate the Sympathetic State
When in fight-or-flight, focus on releasing excess energy first, then slowing down.
If your child isn’t ready to engage, model the strategies yourself.
Examples of sympathetic regulation strategies:
Dim the lights
Go outside
Take slow breaths with a longer exhale
Identify where energy is going and find safe outlets (e.g., squeezing putty instead of hitting or stomping feet on a safe surface instead of kicking)
Crash into a soft surface
Shake limbs, sway, or rock
Play sports or do preferred movement
Listen to calming music
Drink something cold or through a straw (such as a smoothie)
Eat something sour or crunchy
Use a cold washcloth or ice pack on the head, neck, or chest
Wrap in a weighted or soft blanket
Hug/snuggle
Engage in heavy work (lifting, pushing, pulling)
Use a sensory tool
Name feelings and sensations (e.g., “I feel worried” or “my heart is beating fast”)
Ventral Vagal State (Regulated & Connected)
Also part of the parasympathetic nervous system, the ventral vagal state appears when we feel safe and supported. Here, our body’s systems work smoothly, and we can connect with ourselves and others.
Being regulated doesn’t mean you’re always calm or happy—it means you can manage feelings without being overwhelmed. When we’re regulated, it means we’re connected to ourselves and the present moment enough to recognize how we are authentically feeling moment-to-moment, without getting flooded by our own emotional experience.
Ventral Vagal Signs
Steady heart rate and breathing
Feeling grounded
Comfortably connected to emotions and sensations
Comfortable eye contact and social engagement
Responding instead of reacting
Managing daily tasks and emotions with ease
Why Understanding Nervous System States Matters
Recognizing these states in yourself and/or others helps you respond more effectively:
Shutdown: Increase energy and reconnect to the present moment.
Fight-or-Flight: Release energy, then slow down.
Regulated: Optimal state for learning, connecting, and healing.
These states aren’t “good” or “bad”—they’re protective. Our job is to help guide the nervous system toward safety and connection. The healthier our nervous system is, the more flexible it is, responding to internal and external stimuli and returning to a balanced state rather than getting stuck in any one state.
A Note for Parents and Caregivers
You don’t have to navigate these moments alone. If your child often shifts into shutdown or fight-or-flight—or if you find it hard to stay regulated yourself—support is available. Working with a trauma-informed therapist or parenting coach can give you tools, strategies, and reassurance for both you and your child.
If you’re feeling stuck, overwhelmed, or unsure how to help your child regulate, click the button below to schedule a free 15-minute intro call. Together, we can build a path toward safety, connection, and resilience for both you and your child.